I agreed to meet a friend for lunch. Little did I know, 24 hours later I would consider canceling. A multitude of balderdash unexpectedly popped into my morning agitating my mood to the point of not wanting to be around anyone. With feathers ruffled I began to pace back and forth in frustration. Eventually, I stopped, focusing on my breathe, in with good energy, out with the bad energy. I even said a few prayers to adjust my attitude. I hesitated yet made my way for the lunch date with a friend. I thank God I did. I found a friend grieving. Today was to be, her expected due date.
As I sat listening, it was as if I were experiencing the journey of my own miscarriages again. Granted different women - varying experiences - all with their own set of circumstances -- the common thread we share is sadness and pain. If one has miscarried then one can relate to the sadness, pain and the emotions that surface and linger. I am not even sure why I am sharing these thoughts… possibly because of past pain. Possibly because of recent visits with Hospice patients.
What does one say to the one who miscarried? What words will provide solace? Depending on the personality, words affect us in different ways so speak gingerly around one who experienced loss. I still find the words to comfort difficult. Choose your words wisely. Take time to consider what words you will use. Remember: Platitudes, they are of no comfort. Heck, consider doing some research for future reference should the time come in your life when someone you know is facedwith a miscarriage. In the meantime, if finding the words to comfort is difficult I have come to trust, in part, the very reason God gave us ears to listen, a shoulder to lean upon and eyes to shed tears. Not forgetting the importance of a hug, the human touch and the comfort found in the quiet solitude among friends… that might be their only saving grace as they grieve, as they mourn.
For my friend and those who recently have been brushed by this type of loss and pain -- I can sympathize because I know some of the pain and sorrow you experience. For that I am saddened. My hope for you, may you find hope in the midst of your sorrow, comfort in the midst of your pain. And if you wonder when the sadness will ever subside, if time will heal the pain of loss. That is something you will discover on your own journey through grief. Do not rush grief. Personally, I found nothing truly took away the sadness or the pain of my miscarriages, not even time. What did help ease the intensity is how I choose to heal from my sorrow. I started by talking to those who would listen and journal. Trust your healing will began when you allow yourself to open up and share your feelings and thoughts. What you have to say, to share is valid and has purpose even if family and friends think you are nuts and need to get over it! Giving time to grieve, to mourn in your own way and your own time is what will restore your outlook to make a better you and how fortunate for the one you stumble upon that may have just experienced a miscarriage.
I just realized I did what I do when faced with a bad attitude or a situation with cause for concern -- I either write or clobber it with prayer that always redirects my focus from the not so important to the important. May God's mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance.
© 2013 Debra S. Walling
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